You're Wrong
by Nicole Lo
Summary: Diary entries of your fave degrassi characters... sick of everyone bending over backwards to please her. Everyone will see the real Emma Nelson. Starting with Sean... focus on things that make me happy, like music... I knew instantly that it was over... t
1. Liberty van Zant

You're Wrong

Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi and am in no way associated with its production, cast, etc. except through my television.

Summary: Diary entries and personal accounts after … just read it.

It's almost as if they think I can't overhear them … laughing at me as I walk by while they pretend like they weren't whenever I turn around. I used to think it was jealousy that made them act like that towards me as if I was the one who had done something, like I was defective. But the more it happened, the more I considered my own humanness, my own flaws. Did I have too many? Was I the on with the problem rather than them?

That's why I started hanging out with Manny and Emma. I thought that if I camouflaged myself with them that no one would notice it. My awkwardness. My inability to belong, despite my aching to. I pretended that Manny and Emma were my best friends, intruding on their friendship, which at times filled the void that I developed over years of being invisible. I'd invite myself to their parties, budge in with my advice and thoughts even though no one really listened or cared. I hated how Emma would dismiss anything that I had to say and how Manny would call me weird all the time. Even more than that, I hated how they were all secretive … I was always the last to know about how Manny's date with Craig went and how Emma was falling for Sean all over again, but her mother had a sudden change of heart and didn't want her to have anything to do with Sean.

And then there was the fact that I knew Emma 1st … I should've known from way back in Middle School that all she truly cared about was herself and how she was going to fit her "friends" into her whole 'save the world' mold. Between that and Sean she'd completely forgot about everyone, even when Manny went through that whole reputation thing with Craig. People were so cruel to her and even wrote _slut _to her locker. But I was there because I knew that deep down, she was the same person … she was the younger sister that I always wanted, that I could talk to and call about almost anything.

And when I got attacked by one of my older sisters and thought I was going to die, she was the first one that I called. But now that that's been over for a few months now and Manny's relationship with Craig has become more and more stable, it has gone back to being all about Emma and Emma's next cause. All I know is that I'm so sick of everyone bending over backwards to please her as if she doesn't have enough support at home. But that'll change. Everyone will see the _real _Emma Nelson, how selfish and moochy she has been. Starting with Sean.

Always,

Liberty van Zant

(A/N: This started off as a way for me to vent about my no-good "friends" but I combined it with some things in Degrassi and made it total fiction. I hope you enjoy. I'll be having an entry from Jimmy and then Ellie … and I'll try to update every Tuesday starting next week. Review!! –NL)


	2. Jimmy Brooks

I try to pretend like it doesn't bother me, and honestly, it shouldn't. I should be so used to it because it's been happening since before I was five. But when you're that young, you don't realize the importance of having a father until you come to the conclusion that you don't have one. And memories of when he actually did care have disappeared and all you have is your mother's word that he did love you.

To everyone else, I have the perfect life, the perfect house, car, everything … but that's because some people don't understand that everyone has problems and no one is **perfect**. Having a father us just one thing that has made my life less than perfect, but more and more it becomes worse and worse.

There used to be a time when I could at least count on my mother to be there, and even she-- she turned away from me as if increasing her position in the workforce, and in other people's eyes, would make up for the fact that my father is only staying with my mom to keep people from talking. After all, the mayor and his family are supposed to represent Degrassi and all that it stands for.

So, rather than dwelling on the fact that I come home to an ever-empty household, I try to focus on the things that make me happy. Like music. See I thought that if I could invite my parents into my world and let them see what makes me happy, what I live for; not a Mercedes for my 16th birthday or a new MP3 player, or even an X-Box, but music. Music is something that I has no materialism attached to it, but it's real.

I thought I could show them who **I was** through my music. But, instead, I ended up being disappointed. Two months! I told them two months ahead of time so that they could "pencil me in." But, it didn't matter because I reached the same conclusion. It didn't matter to them. And as much as I'd love to tell all my friends about it and confide in them, in hopes they would understand, I couldn't. I can't.

I would just make sure that I would be the exact opposite of them. I wouldn't let people feel like they were alone in world, empty. I would appreciate everyday I had with them, especially since I knew, 1st hand, that life was temporary. When Rick shot me, I almost died, but I held on … for Hazel, Spin, and even Marco. And I wasn't going to let Hazel go. Ever. I promised myself that. (Jimmy concludes pulling out a small black box filled with a ring that he had purchased with the intention of someday marrying Hazel.)

Jimmy Brooks

(A/N: To come, Ellie's diary entry, Liberty's desperate cry for help, and Sean fitting into the entire puzzle … most of this story will be based on Jimmy, Liberty, and Ellie but I will make sure to add in a few entries from other characters and a little dialog if you guys want it. SO let me know who you want to hear from!! –NL)

Thanks for REVIEWING:

caramelswirl11

Degressi to be


	3. Ellie Nash

Nobody would understand why I do what I do and what started it in the beginning. I used to be able to blame my alcoholic mother and the anxiety I felt when my father went over to Iraq, but my mom is in rehab and my dad is home, for now.

I should be ecstatic, but there's just one thing … I lost the one person who was there with me throughout everything. My boyfriend. He went away to Wasaga Beach to get some thing straightened out. I completely supported him with that, even though he dropped the bomb after we had spent the entire day there.

I couldn't believe that he was leaving and knew almost instantly that it was over. One month later, we had gone from calling each other every night to writing to no contact at all. It's not like my feeling for him just fizzled out, but I think that something was going on with him.

The more he said he loved me, the less genuine it seemed. But people break up all the time. I just can't believe that Emma would do that and Sean would forget about me so easily and so quickly.

You never know what people are really like until something happens that will make them choose between hurting you or pleasing someone else.

I had gone from a miraculous recovery to popping my rubber bands again. Sean hadn't pushed me over the edge. Yet. Jay, who was a completely asshole to everyone, seemed to know what I was going through.

Not that Alex was really receptive to me befriending her on again off again boyfriend, but he knew just exactly what do to get me to forget about Sean, at least for a few hours. How can someone so cold and heartless care enough to make someone else's life worthwhile?

It must be the exterior that protects him from the truth and from being vulnerable. All I know is that I wish Jay was here right now before I do something stupid. Because I'm really missing Sean right now.

(A/N: Just review. Thanks!! –NL)


	4. Symptoms

It's really ironic how some people have all the luck. A two parent home, loving siblings, and tons of friends that they can call up and hang out with at any moment. But, then there are people like me who don't have anyone in their lives that really care, except their family. And I know that I should be grateful that my family will always be there for me, but they don't spend the entire day with me. They are only a part of my life that is full and sufficient, but everything else is falling apart.

I used to pride myself on getting the highest grades and trying really hard to look smart all the time. That was what made me what I am. But now, I find it hard to smile at anything. All I can think about the fact that I'm invisible. My associates don't even have the decency to say hello to me anymore. And I've tried to reach out to them by inviting them places, but it never matters. I'm still left out all the time.

I feel like if I just dropped dead one day, no one would _really _care. They never took the time to get to know me when I tried to show them who I was. That's why I cling so hard to this "friendship" with Emma and Manny. We're just different people and I've been fooling myself thinking that they were like sisters to me.

Nothing that used to make me happy does anymore. I used to think that if I _pretended _to be happy, then I'd truly be happy, but no such luck. I know …Everyone gets depressed, but a year-long depression, which has been partially repressed by denial, isn't healthy.

Right now, I just want to give up. Call it quits and let death come to me … go gentle without a fight. I can't hold on anymore. I don't want to. I just wish someone would put me out of my misery before I am pushed to the edge and do it myself …

Liberty van Zant


End file.
